On parent-child relationships
There is a great deal of precedent for automatic obedience of children to their parents. It's one of the ten commandments in the bible (depending on your definition of "honor" anyway) and Confucius defined filiality or filial piety as the most important virtue to develop. The understanding that children should obey their parents no matter what is still an important one today.
I contend, being the anti-establishment pinko that I am, that the origins of this principle are conservative in nature. It is much easier to preserve the status quo if you raise your children with an attitude of accepting what you tell them, even if you are unable to adequately explain it. I think that a great deal of religion (not all religion, of course) is passed on like this, even if the transfer isn't always as insidious as I've characterized it. The people who have this attitude, that of non-questioning acceptance of parental authority, drilled into their head at a young age, are going to be the ones who are more inclined to blindly go along with what those in power have to say.
Of course, there is a limit to the level of authority parents have over their children, ultimately. In extreme cases of abuse or molestation, it is acceptable for the state to step in and remove the parents. However, there are many ways to mess up your kids that are perfectly acceptable by society. You can teach your kids that we live in a geocentric universe with a flat earth that was created by you, if you want. There's nothing anyone can really do to stop you from filling your children's heads with whatever absurdities you want. Of course, whether or not they'll ultimately buy it is unknown.
As a brief (ha! as if I'm ever brief) aside, the right of parents to inculcate their children with certain types of beliefs is really at the heart of the intelligent design versus evolution debates.
Anyway, it just so happens that a lot of the time, people grow up and are extremely close to their families, immediate or otherwise, and remain close with them for the rest of their lives. But this doesn't always happen. There is nothing intrinsic to families that makes the kind of close-knit ideal come about. It happens often because of the fact that the people who raise you have such a significant effect on your development, that you usually grow up into somebody who meshes well with them. It can be extremely difficult for people who, for whatever developmental reason, do not necessarily mesh well with their families.
There is a potential internal difficulty, comparable (though usually less potent) to that which occurs in people who are gay but feel like they are supposed to be straight. If they're a black sheep who feels like you ought to adhere to the ideal of the family unit, you suffer from this tension. There is also a potential external difficulty, if the black sheep individual finds himself only a generation removed from precisely that type of family. If your parents want you to be a part of a close family which you are not interested in, then there's going to be stress.
I want to say that parents and family are important, but there is no reason that disobedience ought to be a cardinal sin. Family members can be, contingently, the most important people in your life, but there's no necessary reason for them to be. Blood is not always thicker than water.
I contend, being the anti-establishment pinko that I am, that the origins of this principle are conservative in nature. It is much easier to preserve the status quo if you raise your children with an attitude of accepting what you tell them, even if you are unable to adequately explain it. I think that a great deal of religion (not all religion, of course) is passed on like this, even if the transfer isn't always as insidious as I've characterized it. The people who have this attitude, that of non-questioning acceptance of parental authority, drilled into their head at a young age, are going to be the ones who are more inclined to blindly go along with what those in power have to say.
Of course, there is a limit to the level of authority parents have over their children, ultimately. In extreme cases of abuse or molestation, it is acceptable for the state to step in and remove the parents. However, there are many ways to mess up your kids that are perfectly acceptable by society. You can teach your kids that we live in a geocentric universe with a flat earth that was created by you, if you want. There's nothing anyone can really do to stop you from filling your children's heads with whatever absurdities you want. Of course, whether or not they'll ultimately buy it is unknown.
As a brief (ha! as if I'm ever brief) aside, the right of parents to inculcate their children with certain types of beliefs is really at the heart of the intelligent design versus evolution debates.
Anyway, it just so happens that a lot of the time, people grow up and are extremely close to their families, immediate or otherwise, and remain close with them for the rest of their lives. But this doesn't always happen. There is nothing intrinsic to families that makes the kind of close-knit ideal come about. It happens often because of the fact that the people who raise you have such a significant effect on your development, that you usually grow up into somebody who meshes well with them. It can be extremely difficult for people who, for whatever developmental reason, do not necessarily mesh well with their families.
There is a potential internal difficulty, comparable (though usually less potent) to that which occurs in people who are gay but feel like they are supposed to be straight. If they're a black sheep who feels like you ought to adhere to the ideal of the family unit, you suffer from this tension. There is also a potential external difficulty, if the black sheep individual finds himself only a generation removed from precisely that type of family. If your parents want you to be a part of a close family which you are not interested in, then there's going to be stress.
I want to say that parents and family are important, but there is no reason that disobedience ought to be a cardinal sin. Family members can be, contingently, the most important people in your life, but there's no necessary reason for them to be. Blood is not always thicker than water.
posted by Matthew at 12:10 AM
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